10th October is World Mental Health Day, a day that always gets me thinking about the link between stammering and mental health. For me, stammering isn’t just a speech issue; it’s something that affects my confidence, my emotions and at times, my mental well-being. If you stammer, you probably know what I’m talking about. There are moments where speaking feels like a challenge, and the mental strain can be just as tough as the physical blocks.
I wanted to share some of my personal experiences of living with a stammer, how it affects my mental health, and what’s helped me manage both. I’m not claiming to have any answers, but maybe you’ll find something here that resonates or helps you feel a little less alone.
Living with a stammer often means facing more than just a struggle with words. There’s the anxiety of knowing you might get stuck on certain sounds, the apprehension of how others will react, and the frustration that sometimes builds up. Over time, these emotions can chip away at your mental health. Personally, I experience anxiety and even moments of feeling low because I can't express myself as well as I know I can, or I worry about what people might think of me (of my intelligence, to be specific) or my capability to do something. This affects me mainly at work and it's a struggle I have almost on a daily basis, always trying to compensate for what people might think. And it's bloody exhausting.
But over the years, I’ve learned a few things that have helped me manage both my speech and my mental health. I'd like to share a few tips I use to managing my stammer and my mental health, and hopefully they can help you too.
Don’t Ignore How You’re Feeling: For the longest time, I thought ignoring how I felt about my stammer would make it go away. Spoiler: it didn’t! Pretending I wasn’t frustrated or upset just made those feelings build up and hit me harder later on.
I’ve learned to sit with my feelings, even when they’re uncomfortable. If I’m anxious about speaking in a meeting or frustrated after a rough day of stammering, I take a moment to acknowledge it. Sometimes I talk to a friend or my partner about it. It’s not always easy, but it helps to get those emotions out in the open rather than letting them fester.
Be Kinder to Yourself: This one’s huge. There’ve been countless times I’ve beaten myself up for not being able to say something fluently. I’d get caught in this loop of negative thoughts, thinking things like, "Why me?", "I can speak better than that!", “Why can’t I just talk like everyone else?” Those thoughts can really mess with your self-esteem.
What has helped me is practicing self-compassion. I try to remind myself that everyone has their struggles, even if mine happens to be more visible when I speak. I’m more than just my stammer, and so is everyone. It’s okay to stumble over words; it doesn’t define your worth or intelligence. It’s definitely not easy, but I’ve found that being kinder to myself has helped ease a lot of the pressure I used to put on my speech.
Mindfulness and Breathing Techniques: Okay, I know this one sounds a little cliché, but bear with me.
Whenever I feel anxious, especially in situations where I know I’ll have to speak, my stammer can sometimes get worse. My body tenses up, my heart races and, surprise surprise, some words get stuck.
I’ve started using deep breathing exercises and mindfulness techniques. I’m not talking about spending hours meditating, but just taking a few slow, rhythmic deep breaths when I feel that tension building up. It helps calm my nerves and it gives me the opportunity to mentally remind myself of the costal breathing technique and to speak at my own pace. I’ve also tried to be more mindful about when and why I stammer, which has helped me manage those moments better. It’s not a magic fix, but it definitely takes the edge off.
Reach Out for Support: There was a time when I felt like I was the only person in the world who struggled with this. Stammering can feel really isolating, especially when it seems like everyone else around you can speak effortlessly. But you’re not alone! There are so many people who understand what you’re going through.
What’s been life changing for me is being open about my stammer and finding support from others who stammer; it has made a huge difference. Whether it’s through support groups or just chatting with someone who gets it, connecting with others who share your experiences can be a game-changer. It’s also been really helpful to talk to a therapist about both my stammer and how it impacts my mental health. There’s no shame in reaching out for help. Find what works for you.
Some final thoughts
If you stammer, you probably already know that it’s not just about the words. It can affect how you see yourself, how you interact with the world, and how you feel inside. But I repeat: you’re not alone in this! Mental health and stammering are connected, and it’s important to take care of both.
So, on this World Mental Health Day, let’s remind ourselves to be kind to our minds and to each other. Whether it’s through acknowledging your feelings, practicing some self-compassion, or reaching out for support, remember that you’re doing your best. And that’s enough.
We’ve got this.
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