Accepting things about yourself that you don’t like is often quite difficult; it can depend on the life experiences that you have had, how you react to people’s comments, and your own self-esteem and self-confidence.
I have always wanted to find acceptance for my stammer and be the happy, confident Lea that only a handful of people see. I have wanted to let go of all the negative thoughts and be able to embrace my true identity. I have always really admired people that have done so much for themselves despite having a stammer: singers, actors, presenters, etc. (I always thought: how can I do that, how can I not let my stammer hold me back?)
Until I was 23 years old I had minimal support with my stammer, and a lot of negative experiences with it. It got to the point where I badly needed a change to feel better. My anxiety was through the roof and I constantly felt bad about myself. I didn’t want to live the rest of my life in fear and avoidance.
7 years ago, I saw a TV programme about a costal breathing course and really wanted to try it. My family helped me to pay to go on a course similar to the one I had seen. I was ready to give it my all, as no matter what happened, I would still have taken the plunge and tried. Previously I had never met anyone else with a stammer and now I was in a room with 30 other people just like me - this was an overwhelming feeling, but in a good way. It felt like I was part of a community, which was something I hadn’t experienced before.
During this first course I met some really great friends. I learnt so much from other people and how they dealt with tough speaking situations, and this gave so much reassurance and encouragement for me to succeed. We were able to have open conversations about subjects, but we didn’t just talk about stammering - we talked about everything. We had a voice that was embraced during these conversations.
By 2023 I had attended around 7 courses and taken something important from each one, as well as the support I had in between them. During the course I attended in 2023, though, I finally unlocked acceptance of my stammer! This was a really important step that has enabled me to see life in a different way. I now look back at the experiences that I have and learn from them, to create the version of me that I know I have always had locked within me but have been too scared to show.
Not only am I able to improve in my own speech and create a different mindset, I now thrive on supporting others with their speech struggles. I can see so many positives in my stammer now that I have accepted it, and these override the negatives. Having a stammer makes you who you are today. It encompasses the life experiences you have endured and the empathy you have for others. Not every day will be a good day or a positive thinking day, but you can hold onto the fact that you are strong, and that many people without a stammer could never imagine what you go through on a daily basis.
A tip I would give to anyone who is struggling and wants to find acceptance in their own stammer is to not be so hard on yourself - you are doing your best every single day. If you look back on your childhood to now, you have achieved so much more than you could have ever imagined. You are an inspiration to others, so never let go of that.
There can be a lot of negative energy in having a stammer, and now is the time to turn that energy into a positive. You can’t turn it around in one day, but you can take the small wins and build up the life you want.
I will certainly continue to support and inspire others in the best way I can. There are so many possibilities out there for us all and it can be your time to win, whether that’s today, tomorrow or in 3 years’ time. Let’s prove wrong all those people who thought you couldn’t make something of yourself!
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